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Is it best to reveal your income in your online dating profile? And if you do, will it attract higher quality men? Here’s what I think…
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I don’t often feel moved to comment on articles, but this one Why High-Earning Women Should Disclose Their Income on Dating Sites by Emma Johnson is worthy of commentary. Divorced, dating for four years on OKCupid and Match.com, Emma is a 38-year old wealthy woman who did not disclose her income when she first started dating. She was attracting men she didn’t like. She decided to reveal her income on OKCupid and guess what happened? The quality of the men who contacted her went way up. She started meeting men with whom she shared common interests. Her conclusion? It’s best to reveal your income on dating sites. I disagree. Here’s why…
Should You Reveal Your Income in Your Online Dating Profile?
When Emma began to attract these interesting men, it intrigued her friend Farnoosh Torabi, the financial expert and author of, When She Makes More: The Truth About Navigating Love and Life for a New Generation of Women. Torabi says that women who are high earners should reveal their financial status early on, because it “allows for any resentment to be worked through early in the courtship. After all, the chances of divorce in couples where the women earn more than their husbands is double that when the inverse is true.”
Okay, I don’t know the stats behind the divorce rate when women earn a higher income than their spouses, but I’m pretty sure that money is not the only problem here.
Following are excerpts from the article. My comments in red.
1. “Sharing openly about my income says a whole lot about me — including that I’m not in the market for a sugar daddy.”
Your character says a whole lot more about you than your income. And about the sugar daddy thing? I’ve had clients who made more than the men they were dating, and they were still looking for a man to pay for dates. It was less about wanting his money, more about chivalry and feeling taken care of by a man.
2. “The divorced guys I date love the fact that I’m financially independent because they’re so angry that their ex-wives stayed at home, so angry they’re paying alimony. In their opinion they think, ‘She was lazy. I wanted her to get a job. I didn’t want her to stay at home.’ ”
Really? I don’t date angry men who are resentful and bitter towards their ex-wives. This is not an income issue.
3. “Take shame out of the equation. You are professionally successful, so why hide it? Of course, if a guy is threatened by your success …. I don’t even need to finish that sentence.”
I don’t think you should hide your success from a man or diminish yourself in any way for a man to feel better about his ego. But dating is not a competition. A confident man doesn’t feel threatened by a woman’s success. He’s happy for her and celebrates her successes.
4. “If you’re passionate about your career, you want to discuss business with your partner. The man I’m dating now is also independently employed. One of the main things we connect on is business, which I find incredibly hot.”
Sure, it can be fun to sometimes discuss business with your partner. I don’t know about you, but after a long day at work, I enjoy talking about everything BUT business. I love my work, but I need to give it a break at the end of the day.
I imagine that most men like to leave their office behind at the end of the day, too. I don’t think “discussing business with my girlfriend” is at the top of their list of qualities they’re seeking in a partner.
5. “Successful guys like to talk about work and business with successful people. Including women. Including women they date. See above. Flip the equation. Not rocket science dating advice.”
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See the above comment.
6. “Yes, there is still a contingent of successful men who are truly intimidated by high-earning women, and openly seek a homemaker with a low IQ they can manipulate.”
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Really? So, women are either successful and financially independent or homemakers with a low IQ? Wow, I’m insulted. I worked at home part time throughout my marriage so I could be the primary caretaker of my children. I didn’t earn a high income, and I consider myself to have above average intelligence. What do you make of that, Ms. Johnson?
And her final comment, “I say: Ladies, include in your profile your real income. Do not hesitate to share your professional success. Do it for yourself. And do it for women everywhere.”
Has dating really come down to this? I’d love to hear your thoughts.